**I have been absent in the blog world recently. Not because I hate it, but because I
am focusing on work, health, and most importantly, relationships with
family and friends. I promise to do better, hopefully.**
Our 2nd wedding anniversary is fast approaching! The traditional gift for this occasion is cotton, who came up with these? Either way I am a lover of traditions, so I shall follow this one too. Tradition is what brings me to the topic of the blog post, changing my name, although I didn't follow this tradition blindly or without thought. It wasn't quite as easy as a 2nd Anniversary gift...
I have to tell you, I never really thought about not changing my name when I got married. Almost everyone I knew changed their name when I was younger and I thought that was just what you did, I probably assumed it was law or something. Just something that girls did. Growing up, I had a few friends that had different last names than a parent. Mostly the result of a divorce, a few were because the couple never married, and a few I really didn't know the reason and probably never thought much about it.
My parents were married in April of 1977. I will pause for a moment of great awe and wonderment of their more than 36 years of marriage. *gasp*
Now that you've picked your jaw up off the floor...I've never known my mother as anything other than her married name, obviously, since I didn't arrive more than 36 years ago. I always knew that her last name was my grandparents surname prior to marriage. I've seen the invitations sent out for their wedding and not only are they preciously perfect, but they clearly state her name...the name that she had for nearly 22 years. Her monogram didn't change and she gained a last name with 3 fewer letters, maybe she was excited about the shorter signature? Or the future of explaining that it isn't spelled like the planet, you need an additional 'R'. The most likely reason is that her mother changed her name and her sister had changed her name before that and so on, Tradition.
Historically speaking, marriage ensured a woman's survival, brawn
was needed more to survive than brains. Men worked, women had children,
lets cut a super long story short here and say that if a woman
was married their name was changed to keep the family wealth safe
and secure. Women that did not marry were usually forced to be a servant
or a prostitute, but times have changed and you don't have to be a big
strong man to earn money for the family. Many women are the primary
bread winners or equal contributors. Being single past a certain age
doesn't mean you have to adopt a multitude of cats and live in shame,
and I am thankful for that progress.
I know a number of ladies that have opted to not change their name
or hyphenate, good for them, to each their own. I have no problem with
whatever a lady, or gentleman for that matter, chooses to do upon
marriage, civil union, etc. This only affects me when trying to properly
address an envelope. I simply reference my dear friend Emily Post for
the best way to address these lovely folks in my life and while they
sometimes require more pen ink or an additional line to fit everything
in, I'm happy to do my best to accommodate their choices and be
respectful in the process.
That brings me to my choice...My soon-to-be husband and I went to the Tulsa County Court House to get our marriage licence just a couple of days before our big day.
That brings me to my choice...My soon-to-be husband and I went to the Tulsa County Court House to get our marriage licence just a couple of days before our big day.
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| don't we look thrilled?! |
We were accompanied by one of his groomsmen
as we entered the out dated and slightly sterile looking building. There
are no warm and fuzzies to be found in this specific court house, it's
an odd place to start a marriage in my opinion, but a necessary evil. As
we presented the documents and started the paperwork I felt my stomach
drop. Was I really about to change the name I had carried for 30 years,
11 weeks, and 6 days? The name that my parents probably spent countless
hours picking and choosing for their first child and only daughter?
I had weighed the different options in my head...
I had weighed the different options in my head...
--Simply change my last name, keep the first and middle the same.
--Change my last name, make my maiden name my middle name.
--Change my last name, make my maiden name my middle name.
--Hyphenate
--Change nothing at all
A few weeks before I had settled on dropping my given middle name
and replacing it with my maiden name. I felt it was a good way to keep a
part of my family's heritage with me and this way my name wouldn't be
super long. It seemed simple, clean, and easy. I was set and prepared to
make the change. Then I told my parents of my plan and realized that my
mother and I share a middle name. A simple three letter name and I felt
that this was my link to her, my last name was clearly the link to my
father and I that I didn't want to lose either.
That's when I remembered
one of my favorite episodes of Friends, when Phoebe and Paul Rudd (I
can't remember his characters name) change their names, and realized
that I could do whatever I wanted to do... I truly had the power. It was
done, my choice had been made and I now am proud to say that I have 4
names, my monogram is messy, but my initials are quite amazing. KSME.
Each of my 'name's' has a special meaning to me and I honestly
don't care what anyone thinks about it. My name is a beautiful equation
of Myself (K)+ Mom (S)+ Dad (M) + (E) Husband, and when you look at it
that way it's clear why I made this choice. On a daily basis I use my
first name and my last name, myself + husband, but in the middle are the
two people that made me everything that I was before I started my
married life. They symbolize the hidden factors that make me...well, me.
You don't see them on a daily basis, but they are there and are strong
as ever.
So, there you have it.
Talk to you soon Blog world!
Talk to you soon Blog world!
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