KSME

**I have been absent in the blog world recently. Not because I hate it, but because I am focusing on work, health, and most importantly, relationships with family and friends. I promise to do better, hopefully.**

Our 2nd wedding anniversary is fast approaching! The traditional gift for this occasion is cotton, who came up with these? Either way I am a lover of traditions, so I shall follow this one too. Tradition is what brings me to the topic of the blog post, changing my name, although I didn't follow this tradition blindly or without thought. It wasn't quite as easy as a 2nd Anniversary gift...
I have to tell you, I never really thought about not changing my name when I got married. Almost everyone I knew changed their name when I was younger and I thought that was just what you did, I probably assumed it was law or something. Just something that girls did. Growing up, I had a few friends that had different last names than a parent. Mostly the result of a divorce, a few were because the couple never married, and a few I really didn't know the reason and probably never thought much about it.
My parents were married in April of 1977. I will pause for a moment of great awe and wonderment of their more than 36 years of marriage. *gasp*

Now that you've picked your jaw up off the floor...I've never known my mother as anything other than her married name, obviously, since I didn't arrive more than 36 years ago. I always knew that her last name was my grandparents surname prior to marriage. I've seen the invitations sent out for their wedding and not only are they preciously perfect, but they clearly state her name...the name that she had for nearly 22 years. Her monogram didn't change and she gained a last name with 3 fewer letters, maybe she was excited about the shorter signature? Or the future of explaining that it isn't spelled like the planet, you need an additional 'R'. The most likely reason is that her mother changed her name and her sister had changed her name before that and so on, Tradition.

 

Historically speaking, marriage ensured a woman's survival, brawn was needed more to survive than brains. Men worked, women had children, lets cut a super long story short here and say that if a woman was married their name was changed to keep the family wealth safe and secure. Women that did not marry were usually forced to be a servant or a prostitute, but times have changed and you don't have to be a big strong man to earn money for the family. Many women are the primary bread winners or equal contributors. Being single past a certain age doesn't mean you have to adopt a multitude of cats and live in shame, and I am thankful for that progress. 

I know a number of ladies that have opted to not change their name or hyphenate, good for them, to each their own. I have no problem with whatever a lady, or gentleman for that matter, chooses to do upon marriage, civil union, etc. This only affects me when trying to properly address an envelope. I simply reference my dear friend Emily Post for the best way to address these lovely folks in my life and while they sometimes require more pen ink or an additional line to fit everything in, I'm happy to do my best to accommodate their choices and be respectful in the process.
That brings me to my choice...My soon-to-be husband and I went to the Tulsa County Court House to get our marriage licence just a couple of days before our big day. 

 

don't we look thrilled?!

We were accompanied by one of his groomsmen as we entered the out dated and slightly sterile looking building. There are no warm and fuzzies to be found in this specific court house, it's an odd place to start a marriage in my opinion, but a necessary evil. As we presented the documents and started the paperwork I felt my stomach drop. Was I really about to change the name I had carried for 30 years, 11 weeks, and 6 days? The name that my parents probably spent countless hours picking and choosing for their first child and only daughter?
I had weighed the different options in my head...

 

--Simply change my last name, keep the first and middle the same.
--Change my last name, make my maiden name my middle name.

--Hyphenate

--Change nothing at all

 

A few weeks before I had settled on dropping my given middle name and replacing it with my maiden name. I felt it was a good way to keep a part of my family's heritage with me and this way my name wouldn't be super long. It seemed simple, clean, and easy. I was set and prepared to make the change. Then I told my parents of my plan and realized that my mother and I share a middle name. A simple three letter name and I felt that this was my link to her, my last name was clearly the link to my father and I that I didn't want to lose either.

 

That's when I remembered one of my favorite episodes of Friends, when Phoebe and Paul Rudd (I can't remember his characters name) change their names, and realized that I could do whatever I wanted to do... I truly had the power. It was done, my choice had been made and I now am proud to say that I have 4 names, my monogram is messy, but my initials are quite amazing. KSME.

 

Each of my 'name's' has a special meaning to me and I honestly don't care what anyone thinks about it. My name is a beautiful equation of Myself (K)+ Mom (S)+ Dad (M) + (E) Husband, and when you look at it that way it's clear why I made this choice. On a daily basis I use my first name and my last name, myself + husband, but in the middle are the two people that made me everything that I was before I started my married life. They symbolize the hidden factors that make me...well, me. You don't see them on a daily basis, but they are there and are strong as ever.

 

So, there you have it.

Talk to you soon Blog world!

Paper Lyrics

So, just over 6 months ago we celebrated our 1st Anniversary ... 

Since I'm really on top of things I thought I would share our Paper Themed Gifts!

My parents made this! The frame is really beautiful and inside is a paper tree, with our initials hanging from the branch. They used petals from my bouquet to make the letters and they are held on by string that my parents have had their entire married life. The lyrics on the tree itself are our from our first dance...Miranda Lambert's 'Makin' Plans' and the song that my brother wrote and played at our reception ... 

Wedding Song
by Nathan Marrs

Small town girl, on her big day

Big city lights, she's moving your way
She's headed places with stars in her eyes
To the coast where the sun does rise

Big city boy is taking her hand

He vows to always be her big city man

Swept her off her feet and away they go
We'll get to know him as they grow

This is what happens when you fall in Love
When you say I Do we'll become one

This is what happens when you fall in Love
When you say I Do we'll become one

Small town girl, dressing up today
Altar lights will guide your way

She hugs her Daddy with candle lit eyes

In their tummies they feel butterflies

This is what happens when you fall in Love
When you say I Do we'll become one

This was my gift to Mr. E ... Paper hearts with our names and wedding date...I swear that our bedroom walls aren't THIS purple...

And I have to say that this was quite a smart gift to give ... a Bible!

With a very sweet note on the inside.

We didn't do a fancy dinner or a night out of the town, we were quite happy just hanging out at home!

One Year Ago Today...

November 12, 2011

I woke up relatively early in a room with a few of my favorite ladies. We lounged around for a bit and then loaded up to head to the Reception venue to set up, get our hair and make up done. 

The day flew by and before I knew it we were at the church and my Mama was helping me into the prettiest dress I'll ever wear and the veil she had worn herself just 34 years earlier.

My then future husband was getting dressed as well, while people filed through the door and took their seats. Then our family and wedding party began to walk down the aisle...

Processional - Canon in D (Pachelbel)

Kyle escorting Kenny's Grandparents

Nathan escorting my Grandparents

Kyle escorting Kenny's Parents

Nathan escorting Mama

Matt and Nate

Kyle and Kenny

Chandra

Erica

Abby

Bridal Processional - Prince of Denmark's March (Clark)

Me and my Dad 

The Word of God

Father McKee began to speak and there was no turning back, not that I wanted to anyway.

During the Declaration of Concent

Who gives this woman to be married to this man? "Her mother and I" - and then we were alone.

Collect for Marriage 

O gracious and everliving God, you have created us male and female in your image: Look mercifully upon this man and this woman who come to you in seeking your blessing, and assist them with your grace, that with true fidelity and steadfast love they may honor and keep the promises and vows they make; through Jesus Christ our Savior, who live and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

First Reading - Song of Solomon 2:10-13, 8:6-7

My cousin Layna doing our first reading

 Psalm 67

Second Reading - 1 Corinthians 13:1-13

Husband's cousin Megan doing our second reading

Psalm 128

Holy Gospel - John 2:1-11

Homily

Father McKee's Homily

Solemn Vows

Exchanging vows

Exchanging Rings

Those whom God has joined together let no one put asunder.

Prayers

Let us pray.

Eternal God, creator and preserver of all life, author of salvation, and giver of all grace: Look with favor upon the world you have made, and for which your Son gave his life, and especially upon this man and this woman whom you make one flesh in Holy Matrimony. Amen.

Give them wisdom and devotion in the ordering of their common life, that each may be to the other a strength in need, a counselor in perplexity, a comfort in sorrow, and a companion in joy. Amen.

Give them grace, when they hurt each other, to recognize and acknowledge their faults, and to seek each others forgiveness and yours. Amen. 

Bestow on them, if it is your will, the gift and heritage of children, and the grace to bring them up to know you, to love you, and to serve you. Amen.

Grant that all married persons who have witnessed these vows may find their lives strengthened and their loyalties confirmed. Amen.

Grand that the bonds of our common humanity, by which all your children are united one to another, and the living to the dead, may be so transformed by your grace, that your will may be done on earth as it is in heaven; where, O Father, with your Son and the Holy Spirit, you live and reign in perfect unity, no and for ever. Amen.

Blessing of the Marriage

God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit, bless, preserve, and keep you.

Holy Communion

Offer to God a sacrifice of thanksgiving, and make good your vows to the Most High.

O God, the giver of all that is true and lovely and gracious: We give you thanks for binding us together in these holy mysteries of the Body and Blood of your Son Jesus Christ. Grant that by your Holy Spirit, Kendra and Kenneth, now joined in Holy Matrimony, may become one in heart and soul, live in fidelity and peace, and obtain those eternal joys prepared for all who love you; for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Recessional - Allegro Giocoso (Handel)

Hey! We are married! YAY!

Happy 1st Anniversary to the neat guy I get to hang out with everyday.

Allow me to introduce ...

... some people that I think are extremely awesome.

The In-Laws

Husband's parents were married the same year I was born and are members of the married-for-a-long-time-club, respect.  Since I have been married for 75 days, that's three days longer than that Kardashian chick *whoop whoop*, I feel that I'm an expert and can note that it's an awesome feat.  They have both welcomed me in from the start and while I'm sure the long distance relationship thing was probably odd to them, they never made me feel odd.  I feel comfortable enough to drool nap on their couch, which is high on my how much I like you scale. 

Obviously, we were super happy to have them there on our wedding day and grateful for the support along the way.  We had a second reception in New Jersey after our honeymoon, since we were basically MIA for a week we couldn't have pulled it off without their help!  Recently, we celebrated a Giants win with them and plan on adding a Super Bowl win to that list!

My Dad

I'm so much like my Dad it would truly scare most people.  We are, what I like to call, reasonable perfectionists.  We do have the ability to go with the flow, but we might be slowly dying on the inside.  That probably makes us sound bad, but I swear we aren't!  Dad is easily the hardest working and loving person I know.  I might be biased, but I'd go to the mat on that one with just about anyone.  It would be easy for me to write a short novel on why I think he is the bee's knees, but it's a blog and I don't have a book deal.  Since this is a wedding focused kind of thing I will say that he never once told me I couldn't have, do, or spend during the planning process.  He listened to the small details with genuine interest, gave his opinion when asked, and a ton of hugs when things were difficult. 

Dear Dad,

It was perfect.

Love, Sis

My Mama

I've been thinking about how lucky I am to have my mama recently.  Born way too early and at just over 2 pounds she wasn't supposed to live and if she did she was supposed to be blind, she was supposed to be deaf.  I've only known her for a little over 30 years, but I'd be willing to bet that she's been a blessing since the day she was born.  My personal opinion is that she is the cat's pajamas and the best mama a kid could ever dream to have.  Her worst quality is that she gets too darn excited and can't keep a secret, if that was my worst quality I'd be dancing in the streets.  I enjoyed sharing the wedding planning process with her more that words could ever say.  She never told me what to do, but would give her input when asked and helped with every little project.  I'm not embarrassed to admit that I talk to her on at least a daily basis and I'm mighty lucky to call her my best friend.

The wedding posting will continue...soon...

**All photos by Goodhue Photography ** 

Wedding People

I already noted those people that weren't able to be with us on our big day, but what about those that were able to be there?! We personally think we are thebombdotcom and I'm sure many of you think the same. 

Bridesmaids

Abby, Me, Chandra, and Erica

It was so difficult to pick just three lovely ladies to stand to my left as I exchanged vows with the mister. They did much more than just stand as I reviewed in my bridal showers post not to terribly long ago and I was happy to have them there for all of it.  Of course, I wish I could have had more like 15 of my favorite ladies up there with me. I'll keep these little write ups short and sweet, but I could easily write a blog post about each one!

Me and Abby

Abby and I met at the Kappa Delta Sorority house many moons ago, shared an apartment one wonderful summer, and too many adventures to name.  Easily, one of the nicest people on planet earth and a class act.  Since Abby married John just a few months earlier in August she was a great resource and all of her advice came in very handy! 

Me and Erica

Erica is Kenny's younger sister and I believe we met in October of 2011.  She kept form with the rest of her family and has lovingly welcomed me in without hesitation.  I'm so grateful that she made the long trip from Jersey to be there with us, and it was a blessing to have her there with us on the most important day or our lives!

Me and Chandra

Like Abby, I met Chandra at the Kappa Delta Sorority house a few years ago and was honored to be her New Member Educator.  She married Ryan in 2007 and I think that contrary to popular trends we became closer after that wonderful day!  Also a great resource during the planning process, she's a fantastic mom to Mr. Caden James and a steadfast friend that you can count on no matter what.

Groomsmen

Kyle, Kenny, Nathan, and Matt

I think Kenny would have asked at like 30 people if I would have let him and if they could have all made the trip to Tulsa.  He is a likable dude so narrowing down his group was kind of difficult for him, I think.  Please note that this is all speculation on my part since Kenny is actually at work this Sunday afternoon, which he is not happy about!

Kyle and Kenny

I'm assuming that Kenny met Kyle back in the days of diapers, since they are cousins that aren't too many years apart.  He's all kinds of awesome and has spent a number of hours at our apartment, always a blast!

Nathan and Kenny

Nathan was a belated birthday gift for my 3rd birthday and I think he wins the award for most miles traveled to attend.  I'm so lucky that Kenny and Nate get along so well and we can't wait for him to visit in May!!

Matt and Kenny

Matt and Kenny met through their love of fire, more accurately fire fighting.  He is always a fun time and we think the weekend was a little more interesting with him there!

Even More Lovely People!

So, lots of help is needed during a wedding...below are those that pitched in and we are grateful! 

Layna, Me, Kenny, and Megan

What about the readers?!  On some level I think these two ladies might have been separated a birth.  Both fun loving, helpful and energetic ladies that performed their duties flawlessly!  Layna is my cousin and Megan is Kenny's cousin/Kyle's sister.  Love them both!!


Miranda, Alli, and Jossilyn helped out with the guestbook and programs.  I just realized that we didn't get a professional photo of them hard a work!  Miranda is my cousin and with the help of her little girls I believe that everyone had a program in their hands.

Me and Adrienne

I honestly don't know how we would have gotten everything done without this lady.  Adrienne was on my shortlist of bridesmaids, but at the time we made the final decision she was in Morocco and wasn't going to be able to make the journey.  Things changed and she is now stateside, unfortunately it was just weeks before the wedding so we couldn't alter the bridesmaid list, but she was so willing to help out and she really made stuff happen.  Couldn't thank her enough!!

Parents

Last but certainly not least...the PARENTS!  They are so important that I'm giving them their own post.  check back soon :)

**All photos by Goodhue Photography **

Wedding Details - Part Deux

Ready for this?!  I think I am - although I just finished an art project and burned the ever loving crap out of my index finger on my right hand.  I wonder if I can strategically avoid certain letters...so far it's been a failure.  *sigh* onto the photos and details!

Hair and Make Up

I was really happy to find Faccia Bella in Tulsa.  I know a few people that have used their services before and were pleased, so it was an easy choice.  Plus, they come to you at nearly any location, a huge time saver!

Gettin my hair did

While some of us were getting our hair done, the others were getting started on the make up process.  When I joined Kappa Delta way back in 2002 I met a wonderful lady, Beth!  She was always helping the girls get ready for dates, dances, and parties in college and has since made a wonderful career out of it! I loved my make up SO MUCH!

My pretty Mama

The Lovely Abby Jane

Caden's Mama, aka - The Wonderful Chandra

Getting my make up done!

A small note about the above picture...Chandra had this tank made for her wedding to Ryan in 2007.  Abby wore it for her wedding in August of 2011 and I wore it on my wedding day in November of 2011.  Hopefully the good luck wears off on all three of us!

Important Details

We have all lost people close to us, we've lost to many to name, but there were five that we really missed on this day.  We wanted to note that they were there with us in some way. 

Kenny's Maternal Grandmother, Uncle, and Grandfather / My Fraternal Grandfather and Grandmother

We lost my grandpa back in 2005 and I wanted to do a little something special.  He always wore Wrangler pearl snap jean shirts and we saved a few after he passed.  I took a small piece of his shirt and put it close to my heart.

Did some last minute sewing

Something Old

Grandparents Wedding Bands - I carried all four on a ribbon in my bouquet

Something New

Dress, Shoes, and the Pearls that my brother gave me for my 30th birthday

Something Borrowed

Veil - I wore an altered version of my mother's veil

Something Blue

Garter and the heart shown above

I also did have a sixpence in my shoe, found by my wonderful groom!

**All photos by Goodhue Photography**

It's all in the details

If/when you plan a wedding you'll probably understand how hard you work coming up with all the details that will make the big day what you and your future spouse want it to be. Certain things just fall into place, some make you want to pull every last hair out of your scalp, but when it's said and done you just have to kick back and go with it. Let's get started ... hold onto your seats kids...

 

 

Dress your BEST!

Bridesmaids Dresses - Alfred Angelo Style #7017 in Tealness and Charcoal - Necklaces made by Marty - Wraps (not pictured) purchased at Target 

Abby, Me, Chandra, and Erica

Bridal Gown - Maggie Sottero - style Kirstie

Bridal Shoes - Badgley Miscka

later on I changed into Ariat Cowboy boots!

 

Groomsmen / Grooms Tuxedos - Jos. A Bank Radnor Tuxedos with Bali Silver Vests and Ties (Diamond White for the Groom), white microfiber shirts, and basic black shoes

Kyle, Kenny, Nathan, and Matt

Location, Location, Location

Ceremony - Trinity Episcopal Church - Tulsa, Oklahoma

Reception - German American Society Center - Tulsa, Oklahoma

Reception Details

Table Set Up - Teal Tablecloths, Gray (silver) runners, cylinder vases with submerged red Gerbera Daisies, Wedding Favors, table numbers, and a few small candles.

Favors - Mug with wedding logo, small jar of Grandma's famous jelly, and we also had donuts in honor of Kenny's Great Grandfather!

Table Numbers - I ordered these cuties (that nearly gave me a heart attack since they arrived on FRIDAY!) on etsy.

Bride and Groom Luminaries

Seating Chart - made this bad boy myself and had it printed at Staples.  Hours and hours of formatting, editing, repeat.

Bridal Cake - 4 tiers from Ludgers Bakery - vanilla sponge cake with alternating layers of strawberry and vanilla bavarian cream!

Groom's Cake - half chocolate with chocolate filling, half vanilla cake with raspberry filling with Kenny's favorite teams logo - Lauren did such an amazing job!!!

Well, I think I've probably overwhelmed you enough with all the photos!  I have many more to go and will get to that as soon a possible! 

**All photos by Goodhue Photography**